https://blog.spacehey.com/user?id=1377704The most recent Blog Entries by the User "chemicalshifter" on SpaceHeyhttps://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=669289https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=669289im not really insane, crazy, or anything in my opinion. but i am slowly rotting away. im sure of that. im deteriorating, not only with my body but as a person.  "i am becoming less coherent". its hard to function. i think i was fine a few days ago. now im eating only once or twice again. its boring.  i cant sit comfortably. i cant eat comfortably. i cant lie down comfortably. i dont have a bed. i ...Sat, 08 Apr 2023 16:46:42 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=664239https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=664239she is better off without me. she doesn't deserve this mistake. she has to take action because i have been in a standstill for so long. all im just really doing the whole time is think about nothing and do nothing. of course that would make me irrelevant. of course that would make me disappointing. of course everyone would get impatient that im so worthless and nothing has changed for years. I DON...Tue, 04 Apr 2023 17:39:15 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=653289https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=653289i had a panic attack because of what she said to me. it was just a simple thing, a reminder (although she definitely said its getting annoying) on what i have to do. but yeah i freezed up mid call, didnt know what to say to that because i thought things were going smoothly. then i thought that i haven't tried enough so i got this reaction. it was supposed to be a short good night call, but that ha...Wed, 29 Mar 2023 16:57:25 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=560684https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=560684my limbs are limp and heavy and glued to the ground i dont think I'll ever amount to anything everything i say is a lie to myself... to others either good or bad, it all feels like a lie a mask glued onto my horrid face  yet it does not cover the eyes that explore nor the ears that hope to unhear these words nor the nonstop pounding of this weakened heFri, 20 Jan 2023 10:27:54 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=560677https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=560677im so fucking stupid rn.. but i promise I'll be better.. you deserve so much better...Fri, 20 Jan 2023 10:11:44 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=557521https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=557521im so fucking stupid rn.. but i promise I'll be better.. you deserve so much better...Sun, 15 Jan 2023 20:35:38 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=454043https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=454043i dont really deserve anything..Sat, 30 Jul 2022 15:50:37 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=454011https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=454011cold hands...cold hands...cold hands...Sat, 30 Jul 2022 13:12:57 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=371385https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=371385it is. it is. it is. it is. what will you get from me? a pathetic boy who can't keep up with all the promises i give, who doesn't know what words to fucking speak and keeps it all in until i cant anymore? what will you get from me? what will you get from me? i shouldn't have asked you. i shouldn't have asked you. i thought you would understand. i thought i would understand. i thought i could handl...Wed, 06 Apr 2022 23:28:52 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=367904https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=367904i can't breathe. my mind and my body are drowning in an ocean of misery no one can ever save me from. i don't know why i can't rise above this murky pool of water... or why i don't choose to swim above it either. maybe i am meant to drown in this doom, my conscience always fucking tells me. maybe i was never meant to hold on the that brim of light shining through the surface. maybe i was never mea...Mon, 04 Apr 2022 21:48:31 +0000