https://blog.spacehey.com/user?id=2992536The most recent Blog Entries by the User "Sticky" on SpaceHeyhttps://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2129803https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2129803And I understand that being nonbinary is all about not needing to follow the social construct that is the binary of masc and fem. But the thing is I've grown up with these social norms so much that it's hard not to use it as at least a reference to how I want to present myself and be perceived. For instance, I don't want a masc haircut. I feel happy with having hair that could be percieved as "fem...Wed, 25 Mar 2026 11:23:39 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2129801https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2129801so I talk to myself a lot. like a lot. like basically conversations. And sometimes I either call myself "bitch' or "boy". I hardly refer to myself in any neutral terms. Maybe I'll call myself "dude", and I think that counts the most because in my mind anybody can be called "dude" no matter how masc or fem they are.  But I find it funny that I mindlessly sometimes refer to myself as "bitch" in mome...Wed, 25 Mar 2026 11:18:27 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2108122https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2108122Dude won't let me do shit. All I want to do is repent and he won't let me.  So I've known Cleo for years at this point. And I've done awful things. I've done really awful things. I've been nothing but a shitty person to him in all the years we've been together. The worst part is he's never done anything wrong. He's never made us even, he's never made an honest mistake, he's never lied or stole. He...Tue, 03 Mar 2026 05:59:47 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2102104https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2102104It felt like a vacation from the place that was only stressing me further. This was confirmed when I got picked up by my mom and she immediately started complaining about the hospital bills.  I miss the company and the sanitary environment and the comfort in knowing I was safe. I could watch movies, write, play cards. I was free to even be myself because it's a mental hospital. I didn't feel judge...Wed, 25 Feb 2026 14:34:03 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2094357https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2094357I've lost the ability to play. Life in itself is a form of play so says the universe, and yet I let man-made restrictions dictate my behavior even without judge-colored eyes. I cringe at myself even when I am alone and have all the freedom to be anything. I worry so much about judgement and criticism that I have now lost the ability to play. I recently got 4 new Lps figures added to my collection,...Wed, 18 Feb 2026 09:18:48 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2091902https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2091902I haven't scratched myself in probably years. Idk I didn't keep track I didn't think I'd need to I didn't think I'd hurt myself like this again. But idk. I did. I don't feel proud of it. I wasn't feeling good last night, I was making a fool of myself in front of my partner. I kept messing up and upsetting him and I end up exposing my unhealthy worship for him. He doesn't like that I've devoted my ...Mon, 16 Feb 2026 11:16:09 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2085249https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2085249So I took that half a tab at 9 am. I blocked out my windows, got food and water, clean clothes. I THOUGHT it was a good idea to use acid to stay awake and do last minute homework. I learned I have terrible work ethic because my work ethic relies on what upper I am on. And this one sucks at making me efficient. I strongly discourage from using gel tabs for productivity.  So basically, All I did was...Tue, 10 Feb 2026 20:00:10 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2084904https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2084904I have no Adderall. I have no job. I have no money. I have no future adventure plans. Dude this shit sucks. It feels like I am fucking frozen in time. For the past few days I've just been playing Minecraft, doing homework, and eating soup. Fucking soup. Y'know I thought I loved soup, but after awhile it gets fucking annoying. And I can only treat myself to rice so often, I have a limited supply of...Tue, 10 Feb 2026 13:08:18 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2066715https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2066715I brought up Adderall again. Y'know, because I miss it. I miss it so much I'm considering having that tab since it's all I got. Boy, I don't even got any fucking cigarettes.  Anyway, my sister said to be careful with that. She said it's like micro dosing meth... that fucking bitch. That fucking bitch I stg I SWEAR! TO GOD! I'll ash in her hair I stg I swear I'll do it she pisses me off bad. SHE'S ...Sun, 25 Jan 2026 14:58:32 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2060386https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2060386I took my last half of Adderall, and I spent it all on Minecraft. I'm trying to build the athf house, and idk what I'll do after maybe I'll make a barn.  The point is, this sucks, I'm all out of Adderall and I will be an indefinite amount of time. Depending on when my partner gets his next refill I could have more in like a week or I could never get any for forever. And it's like y'know what, fuck...Tue, 20 Jan 2026 07:49:15 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2002003https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2002003It's like he can never figure me out. The more I praise him the more I am hurting. The more I am hurting. I am hurting so much. I need to see him. I'm aching for him. I need him. Tue, 02 Dec 2025 01:24:12 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2001995https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2001995He was supposed to come over today. But then he changed his mind I guess. I don't even have the balls to ask why. I'll just accept it and pretend I'm fine with it. But it hurts so much. I'm home alone, I'm sick, and I'm hungry. It would've been a perfect time. I would've paid for everything if he was worried about money. I would've done everything if I could. I'd do anything for him if I could.  I...Tue, 02 Dec 2025 01:17:12 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1995718https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1995718I'm working today and Thanksgiving. I won't be able to go be a pig this year : ( But I do get paid Friday, so ig it's okay : )  I just wish I got to hang out with my family. I was gonna show up with a trans pin and everything. It was gonna be cool. I was really hoping to come out this year : ( Maybe next year after I, hopefully, start taking T and transform :333Wed, 26 Nov 2025 14:15:32 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1984786https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1984786I'm crawling through fucking quicksand sludge and I just want to stay down. Crumbs crumbs crumbs. I hate crashing x_x  AAAAAND I also have work tomorrow x_x wtf Sun, 16 Nov 2025 18:31:26 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1984787https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1984787I'm crawling through fucking quicksand sludge and I just want to stay down. Crumbs crumbs crumbs. I hate crashing x_x  AAAAAND I also have work tomorrow x_x wtf Sun, 16 Nov 2025 18:31:26 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1981210https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1981210I mean, sometimes it's not. Sometimes moderation is nothing but a light stroll along a winding pier, but sometimes it's not so easy. It can be easy to not eat large sundaes and seafood boil everyday or even every month. That's easy moderation. But with something like Adderall. I'm trying really hard not to do it everyday. And it's not even about it feeling good. It's about feeling like I need it i...Thu, 13 Nov 2025 13:41:26 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1970324https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1970324I've noticed my mom and sister get along together far better without me involved.  Yesterday when we went out, I was included in the conversation. I kind of had to be since we were out for dinner together. And it felt like the things I said were treated like thin ice unless I explicitly clarified I didn't mean what I said in a bad way.  And now today, much like many other days. I can hear them in ...Tue, 04 Nov 2025 04:25:42 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1965252https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1965252The helmet I was gonna wear for my costume has this uncomfortable piece inside that hurts my head when I wear it, and I had this entire time to fix it and yet I didn't. And now idk what to do about it except grin and bear it, it'll just be for 1 night after all.  I just hope I'm able to go to work tomorrow :333Thu, 30 Oct 2025 15:43:12 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1963350https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1963350So I've been working, a minimum wage job with not many hours but it's work nonetheless. However, not just this. I'm also doing online classes :333 And I've realized something. As I am busy with these two things, Going to work and trying to turn in assignments before the due date. I've realized I care less and less about the things I did before I was employed.  You see, I was once obsessed with use...Tue, 28 Oct 2025 21:07:14 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1959775https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1959775I had one of the best dates ever one of the best I've ever had. First we had a sleepover in my bed. We watched Kevin Spencer and ate tacos.I proceeded to have the comfiest sleep ever. I was more snug than I've ever been in a long time. And after waking up in the afternoon, we went out for lunch. But it was food we've been wanting to have for a long time now. We went out for seafood boil. It had sh...Sat, 25 Oct 2025 20:31:12 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1957126https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1957126I didn't like how my shift ended. I had to clean the bathrooms and then sweep. Which is fine in itself, but  1. It kept me from organizing the aisles  2. I wasn't given specific instructions 3. The mop would make a loud scraping sound against the floor when I pushed it along and I kept trying my best to avoid it because I couldn't stand it So idk. Not to mention I didn't have money for a drink dur...Thu, 23 Oct 2025 05:09:03 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1952507https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1952507Lately I've developed an awful scrolling habit. The iconic doomscrolling everyone's been talking about for over a year now. I'll just scroll forever even though I don't want to and I don't even like the reels and I want to do something else and I just feel so fucking bored and hallow. I just feel nothing. I feel nothing. I don't feel anything. Being on this shitty chromebook feels better because a...Sun, 19 Oct 2025 03:27:03 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1951441https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1951441I want to go back, but at the same time I'm scared. I wasn't exactly perfect on my first day. I don't exactly thrive when I'm confronted with questions and social interaction.  But I liked doing work. I liked the repetitive cycle, and I liked that I had to just stand at one place basically. The thing is I only have 5 addys left. And I'm trying to ration them by only saving them for when I have to ...Sat, 18 Oct 2025 01:55:55 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1940739https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1940739I don't know why the fuck he does this I don't understand the logic in it I really don't and I wish I did, but how am I supposed to ask him without coming off as ungrateful and unappreciative.  He'll SAY he's going. He won't say he's on his way. No, he'll say he's getting ready to go. This, in my head, would take about a few minutes, or at least he'd send such a text as he's putting on his shoes o...Wed, 08 Oct 2025 17:35:58 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1936596https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1936596Old men will still harass you no matter what you wear. One time, I was sitting outside an ice cream shop eating a cone, I had my hoodie on, hood up covering my hair (bad hair day) and just jeans and a tshirt. And y'know what happened, some old guy pulled up in his jeep and pulled his phone out to record me. Or at least I'm pretty sure, I was the only person outside at the time, and he pulled up ba...Sun, 05 Oct 2025 01:50:32 +0000