https://blog.spacehey.com/user?id=3552214The most recent Blog Entries by the User "Vlad" on SpaceHeyhttps://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1600816https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1600816Pretty self explanatory, second poem for her ---- These thoughts don’t stop, they echo, they scream. I’m the reason you’re gone, not just a bad dream. I wish I could fix it, but it’s too late to try… I broke what we had, now I jTue, 13 May 2025 14:57:51 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1600584https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1600584No explanation needed. --- Doesn’t matter how many girls I’m with, It’s still you I wish I was with. I fought that fight for you alone, But everything broke when you left home. I talk to others, hoping it’s you, Lying to myself like it’s something new. I hate that it ended like this, I do, I just wanted to be the one for you.Tue, 13 May 2025 11:40:05 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1597668https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1597668Sometimes I get so angry with stuff. I’ll just be pretty neutral, even bored. Then I suddenly get a though and am fucking mad af, bro. Sadness, happiness, despair, whatever. It just turns into pure hate and anger lol.Mon, 12 May 2025 09:54:06 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1595838https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1595838Sometimes I wonder what even is life... We broke up, I know that there is a 0.01% chance of it ever working out again yet I still love her. I know that there are so many better girls than her but I still love her. I know that she maybe wasn't the best for me but I still wonder. I know that there are many girls that'd give me an easier time and love me the same if not more but I still love her. I k...Sun, 11 May 2025 17:10:41 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1595714https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1595714I feel like I'm in this constant loop of my life getting better a bit and then it massively becomes worse again. Sometimes I wish that I could just turn my heart off and not feel any emotions to be honest. It'd improve my life massively. It's such a pity that sadly the world doesn't work that way.Sun, 11 May 2025 15:55:53 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1593753https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1593753Sometimes I wonder. Is my life really that bad? I mean of course. I lost her and I love her to death, I'd do anything for her and it hurts a lot that we're not together. But is my life genuinely that shit? Looking back at the last few days I only see: - A shit ton of caffeine - A shit ton of work - A shit ton of loud music into my ears I mean. Looking at it this way doesn't make it that bad. It's ...Sat, 10 May 2025 21:23:29 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1593048https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1593048How is this even possible? I can’t fucking understand it. How do I know it’s over, that we’ll never be together again, yet I still care about her so much? I’m ready for anything. I’d do anything for her. I’d die for her. I’d ruin my health for her. I’d stay up for days if she needed me. I really would.Sat, 10 May 2025 11:57:38 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1591712https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1591712My mind is such a mess right now. I literally don't know what's happening. If I try to explain what I'm thinking/feeling to somebody they'll probably think I'm crazy lol. I guess it's good that I don't really need that. Just writing down my thoughts is good enough for me. Sometimes I'm feeling as happy as I can feel, other times I'm just feeling as sad as I could. And it's not like it changes ever...Fri, 09 May 2025 19:02:43 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1590954https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1590954I just don’t know why I’m living anymore. I know what I need to do daily, I know what I want to achieve but I just don’t have a reason anymore. I dotn have a reason to keep fighting for that.  I had her. I was fighting for her. To become good enough for her, to be good enough for her when we were together. Not anymore. I’m just fighting for nothing… and if I’m fighting for nothing how can I contin...Fri, 09 May 2025 10:10:03 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1590702https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1590702She told me to get over and just move on. I dotn want to do that though. I love and care for her. If I ever stop loving or caring for her. Then did I ever even love her?  The answer for me is no. If that’s the case then you never really loved that person. The connections in your brain are made, they made break off a little but they’ll stay there. I know I’ll eventually feel better. Within the gran...Fri, 09 May 2025 05:42:58 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1590606https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1590606She told me to get over and just move on. I dotn want to do that though. I love and care for her. If I ever stop loving or caring for her. Then did I ever even love her?  The answer for me is no. If that’s the case then you never really loved that person. The connections in your brain are made, they made break off a little but they’ll stay there. I know I’ll eventually feel better. Within the gran...Fri, 09 May 2025 04:30:55 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1589544https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1589544I wish there would be a happy ending. At this point I'm just losing hope though. And I don't know if me constantly thinking about how this is going to end happily is helping. I imagine her texting me and just boom. Happy end but she probably hates me.. She probably wants to fucking forget I ever existed. Even resents me lol. For some reason my mind keeps coming up with happy endings though.. It's ...Thu, 08 May 2025 18:08:37 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1589302https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1589302Isn't it sad that my biggest dream is to wake up in the morning and fucking see that she texted me? Every single fucking night. I got to bed with that thought in mind. Wishing that in the morning when I wake up and check my phone. I'll see a message from her. How did I even get here? Two months ago I was waking up every day with fucking desire to live, with fucking desire to do my work and shit. I...Thu, 08 May 2025 15:40:15 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1589274https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1589274Yknow, it doesn't really matter what happens. It doesn't matter how much I fuck with my health, how much I blast loud music into my ears or how much I distract myself with work or whatever. I just fucking feel empty without you. Yeah, sometimes it does work. Sometimes I do feel better about myself and my life. But the reality is that im fucking miserable. No one is fun to talk to. Nothing is fun t...Thu, 08 May 2025 15:22:59 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588566https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588566Sometimes when I think about her I get so angry about how I fucked things up. Sometimes I genuinely just want to stand up, fucking punch the wall so hard that my hand breaks. Sometimes I genuinely want to do that. And to be honest if I didn't kind of have the self control I have I'd do it bro. We'll see how long I can stop myself though. It's not like the anger I feel with myself goes anywhere. It...Thu, 08 May 2025 05:10:31 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588554https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588554I've been noticing that I pick up a lot of habits from people I stop talking too. The first thing I think of when I think about that is. A had a friend. We stopped talking a few months ago. Ever since I've started to write more punctually. More correctly. For example, when I write in my own language, it's a language with the Cyrillic alphabet but a lot of people write with Latin letter. Because of...Thu, 08 May 2025 05:01:29 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588518https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588518Sometimes I wonder if someday we'll reconnect and talk again with her. There are so many things I want to tell her. Not only that I love her and stuff but also my life. When something interesting happens I instantly imagine myself telling it to her. For example, recently went to visit my grandparents. I was with ripped jeans that day and they thought that a dog or something ripped my jeans lololol...Thu, 08 May 2025 04:45:57 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588498https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1588498Sometimes I wonder whether God is punishing me for not working as hard as I should have. Thinking back 90% of the problems I have wouldn't have even arised if I worked hard enough. I had so many opportunities but I just didn't take them and now I'm at the start line, worse than I began lol. I remember where it started actually. It was mid July last year. I had a big opportunity to have access to a...Thu, 08 May 2025 04:34:43 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1587750https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1587750Wed, 07 May 2025 20:30:08 +0000