https://blog.spacehey.com/user?id=4223455The most recent Blog Entries by the User "Diesel ᯓ✦∘˙" on SpaceHeyhttps://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2157155https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2157155Hey so this is gonna be quick one unlike my usual posts. Context for the uninitiated, i have anger issues and they flare up mostly with my family, because of unprocessed trauma (i'm working on it) My first instinct was smoking, it makes me incredibly docile and sleepy, so i think i could manage with that. And my parents aren't really bothered by my smoking, as long as i do it outside, they've acce...Sun, 03 May 2026 15:35:09 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2155968https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2155968Genuinely just haven't wanted to go out, i did do a reluctant grocery run at the beginning of the week, food is starting to run out tho, this is technically the first day of that. I technically have food in the house, but i genuinely just can't cook it, idk why sometimes i just lose the ability to do things that are beneficial to me, like i really should just take the salmon from the freezer and c...Fri, 01 May 2026 17:39:52 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2152040https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2152040i hate this guyFri, 24 Apr 2026 23:46:04 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2148551https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2148551I hate to say this, but sometimes i genuinely just get really annoyed at my partner for this. It's not the forgetfulness that's the problem, memory issues are fine whatever. But the genuine lack of situational awareness is what really pisses me off. And i hate having even slightly negative thoughts about people i like, i'm not supposed to feel that way. Especially because i know that they're most ...Sun, 19 Apr 2026 18:47:54 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2147622https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2147622There's a huge (by finnish standard) spider in my room rn. I don't wanna kill it, but i really don't want it as a roommate either. I like spiders probably a bit more than the next guy, but they still make me really uncomfortable. Mostly because i just hate the feeling of bugs, it doesn't matter how cute of a bug it is, i don't wanna touch it without gloves. Another thing is how fragile they are, b...Sat, 18 Apr 2026 10:50:29 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2142866https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2142866Been having a good time with the play test, but i really need ziplines. The map is so huge, which is no issue on it's own, but getting to certain parts is really annoying. For context, my base is on the spruce tree next to the ice cream cart, why would i build in a place with so many hostile creature? That's just how i am, my grounded 1 base was on that one flat rock next to the pond, so it's a pa...Sat, 11 Apr 2026 07:47:55 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2142350https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2142350Few days ago i saw balloons in the store because there's a holiday coming up, and they had those condom looking ones that you can make demented creatures with, so for the bit i got a pack and watched a tutorial on youtube for the dog one. So if i told you that i spent the next 10 to 20 minutes just going through the pack, making a balloon animal after a balloon animal, just being all happy about i...Fri, 10 Apr 2026 15:57:16 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2140434https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2140434My hair rn is a bit of a mess, it's basically just white (with my og color slowly creeping in) I've gotten compliments on the current color, but i really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY miss the blue The problem is that the hair dye i was using was really fucky in the way that it would not stick unless my hair was FRESHLY bleached, like 5 ...Tue, 07 Apr 2026 23:17:34 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2138388https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2138388I'm having a good time, elevated mood and stuff and not tired at all, i wonder if this is how a person is supposed to feel. I don't think it's mania or anything, probably just my brain wires finally connecting for like a week before they get fucked up again. I genuinely love cleaning when i'm like this, the idea of stuff being organized brings me so much dopamine, usually i'm too tired to care but...Sun, 05 Apr 2026 07:49:28 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2136222https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2136222I've been thinking about how diversely people experience different tastes and stuff, like how cilantro tastes like soap to some people and how beets taste like dirt to others (i like beets but idc about cilantro) My taste in sweets hasn't really changed over the two decades, i've always liked sour candies and especially a specific skull shaped sour salmiakki (salmiakki is a finnish/nordic candy th...Thu, 02 Apr 2026 16:02:36 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2136009https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2136009(ok so, it wasn't a cruise ship, my dad works at a cargo ship and sometimes i'm allowed to tag along for a week or two, although this is once every few years only) There's really nothing to see, bunch of ocean and other ships. The internet is spotty and usually there is none. The food is really good, and the people are pretty chill, i'm just antisocial asf, and not that confident in my english ski...Thu, 02 Apr 2026 06:27:21 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2130996https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2130996I can't wait for the full release, i'm gonna inject this game straight to my artery. I gotta make a list of people and copyrighted characters that i wanna put on the island. Also think about a possible island layout. I especially love the mii customization, not just appearance but how they talk and present themselves as well. Also no profanity filter! I can be as immature as i want. (i'm an adult,...Thu, 26 Mar 2026 23:47:54 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2130980https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2130980I'm gonna go out with my partner, and we'll probably just chill the evening. I also have online plans since many friends reside there instead of irl.  There's nothing wrong with those plans, i just always wanted a really interesting and crazy birthday. I didn't have friends to invite to my sweet 16th, neither did i have any for my 18th, i have friends now, i just can't get my life together enough ...Thu, 26 Mar 2026 23:29:08 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2125213https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2125213Starting to come to terms with the fact that there probably isn't anything for me after all. I wish there was something, anything really. But i'm not happy with anything, it's like i've always been miserable, i can experience good feelings but the foundation is rotten.  I'm probably just having a bad day or something, but thinking about going on with this feels miserable and it's definitely more t...Thu, 19 Mar 2026 14:42:24 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2114655https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2114655This started as a joke between me and my partner, but now i'm genuinely thinking about it. So idk how to even really categorize this, ig performative is the wrong word and "male manipulator" is the correct term??? I have the classic music taste, think of radiohead and deftones (examples), which are both bands that i listen to. Now the final nail in the coffin, i listen to them on cd, on a portable...Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:21:11 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2108811https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2108811I started having really vivid dreams and nightmares, and now i can't remember if i've done certain things, or i get anxiety because i thought something bad happened but it was just a recent nightmare. I vaguely remember stuff, everything feels disconnected. I don't feel anxious, just kinda weird. I've dissociated before and been in psychosis before, it wasn't like this. Nothing really feels real, ...Tue, 03 Mar 2026 23:22:31 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2108793https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2108793Computer gone, my life has lost 90% of it's entertainment value. I tried to go smoke half an hour ago, saw a rabbit and got paranoid so i went home instead. Now i just wanna play something (specifically on my pc that isn't present) NO I DON'T WANNA PLAY ON CONSOLE >:( I need to start cleaning before i leave my house for a week to stay at my mom's, i have until the saturday. I could play splatoon.....Tue, 03 Mar 2026 23:04:54 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2106139https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2106139(if it's not obvious the title is a joke, but this is about gender discovery) I don't talk about it here often if ever, but i have dysphoric days, maybe because talking about gender does make me a bit uncomfortable, i know that people just assume, and it's alright, i don't really have the energy to care at the end anyway. I always knew but i didn't really know what it was and it was only sometimes...Sun, 01 Mar 2026 14:24:58 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2103078https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2103078So i did get a prescription for an adhd medicine, idk if it's a common one elsewhere, but it's a standard practice here, if nothing else they've thrown at you works. Seems alright so far, no side effects, but i'm gonna have to see in a month how it actually affects me. Also gonna have to check if i can donate blood when i'm on this, i didn't go last friday, i have to deal with some health stuff fi...Thu, 26 Feb 2026 12:57:57 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2093503https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2093503Everything is going sorta ok, my medicine evaluation got cancelled and i gotta wait again. Otherwise i'm pretty chill, have been having some random physical pains for no reason.  Haven't really seen friends in a while, haven't been attending club. I should go back, i've been neglecting my other relationships for my new dating life by accident (i suck at balance) Speaking of dating i feel weird, i ...Tue, 17 Feb 2026 15:46:00 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2084826https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2084826I am god's strongest overthinker, i'm already assuming that this will go horrible. It's one badly worded sentence and it's over :')  I gotta lock in Because they don't wanna hear that you're doing so horrible that you need to be on acute care, but they don't wanna hear that your life is pretty alright because "why are you here then???" I am talking about therapy btw, idk if i clarified (haven't sl...Tue, 10 Feb 2026 09:51:09 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2078003https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2078003Idk why i feel like this, i'm upset about plans that aren't happening and idk what to do, i wanted to go out today but i'm so tired and i'm getting a headache. I haven't been sleeping again, and i just feel angry. I was supposed to go to the mall with kitkat (my date) but i fucked up by oversleeping. Also i don't know why i feel jealousy now, because they're hanging out with someone else when i am...Wed, 04 Feb 2026 15:27:30 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2075392https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2075392I feel like all i do here is bitch about my family, but here we are again. My sister's birthday is coming up in like a month and i don't know what to give her. I wanna send money but i wish i could do something more personal or nice. I wanted to order her a plushie, because i've seen her post about wanting a specific jellycat, but getting those is a bit difficult here, i don't like online shopping...Mon, 02 Feb 2026 04:08:58 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2070416https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2070416I don't know how to explain the situation that is bothering me. Basically i felt neglected my whole childhood and felt like my sister got all the attention and love from my mom. Now i can't properly spend time with either without getting irritated, and they don't really understand this, they try but there isn't really much they can do, because to them it's just in my head. They don't invalidate it...Wed, 28 Jan 2026 15:29:35 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2064266https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2064266Dying (my hair) at kitkat's (my date) place. Fucked up the bleach and burned my scalp a bit, because we aren't sober atm :') DON'T DO THIS, IT'S BAD As an ex chem student i should know not to handle chemicals while under the influence but oh well. Autocorrect is saving me rn  We're going blue again, for reasons that should be obvious, read the room No but actually i'm gonna explain it, my two favo...Fri, 23 Jan 2026 17:41:18 +0000