https://blog.spacehey.com/user?id=4268245The most recent Blog Entries by the User "against_the_world" on SpaceHeyhttps://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2086938https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2086938Old barns in the windows, The world waiting outside, Hospital wear, death-sounding screams, I am a prisoner of my own fears. Long hallways painted with bleached dreams, Loud, soundless footsteps of zombies, Their eyes seemThu, 12 Feb 2026 10:27:25 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2072396https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2072396Your face is like dolls, I wish to put it into museum, To weight your heart in my hands, lick the blood from your rotten flesh. I wish to be a maggot inside your body, To touch the ribs God made you off, To held you close my soul, To bite your lips until blood fills my mouth. Oh, Lord, why can't you love me, Why your kisses are all false, Friend - I love you more, Why I am not a boy?Fri, 30 Jan 2026 07:24:00 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2059692https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2059692Give me a gun and I will shoot myself in the knee, Instead of making a true mess I will be a crucified imagery, Down on my knees bleeding before any willing god, Repeating sins with my sour mouth; "Forgive me Father." I've lived in Hell for million years - tortured and dying in never ending pain, Yet only glimpse of Heaven I've ever seen was in the bottle of alcohol, And I am left wondering who I ...Mon, 19 Jan 2026 18:22:03 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2053950https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2053950I tried doing few kaligrams as I was picturing a structured poetry around cubes. I want to share with you few cats.   □      □   □□□□□                 □■□■□            □              □□□□□         □         □□□□□□□         □□□□□□□                      □             □            cat n°1 - Cube ^___^Wed, 14 Jan 2026 19:42:42 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2039889https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2039889With lines from Osamu Dazai's The Flowers of Buffoonery. What I really want to do is paint, But I do everything else instead, What I really want to do is create the masterpiece, The desire for perfection.Sat, 03 Jan 2026 19:07:38 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2029738https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2029738The cold wind plays with rotting leaves on the ground, A fog merges the electric lights of the evening in a halo of angels, My long coat permanently smells of cigarette smoke, It knows my deepest secrets even I don't remember. I am deeply scared of death, Not many people know that though, As they met me while I rather liked it, A fear should be killed by confidence. I am deeply scared of life, To ...Fri, 26 Dec 2025 10:01:34 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2028698https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2028698Hate, hate, hate - I swear there is no other thought, For my father inside my head than hate, Disgusting pig pretending to be a human being, Drunkard who wants others to feel sorry for his failure. And yet - I want his attention,  I want him to confirm my genuine hard work, I want him to confirm that I can exist outside of my own suffering, I care too much about his opinion on me. Love me - I want...Thu, 25 Dec 2025 11:10:10 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2016431https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2016431I pretend to live for some time now, And I grew sick of it pretty soon, To hide myself from my true self,  To be alone in a faceless crowd. I learned that the future doesn't wait, That pain doesn't wash itself away, The true adulthood is reached in a childhood, A way to transport is being drunk. I was marked as slightly less human by real kids, Since this accident I noticed that othSun, 14 Dec 2025 10:49:34 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2005273https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=2005273SORRY FOR ALWAYS SMELLING LIKE A CIGARETTES, THERE IS NOTHINK MORE I WISH THAN TO BE LOVED, SORRY THAT I ALWAYS LOVE YOU ONLY WHEN I AM DRUNK, I WISH TO BE ABLE TO FEEL IN A TIME WHEN I CLEAR MY MIND. SORRY FOR LOVING A VODKA MORE THAN MYSELF, SORRY FOR ALREADY FAILING AT YOUNG AGE, I CAN'T GET UP AS THE GUN'S TO MY HEAD UP, THEY ARRESTED ME FOR NOTHING THAN MY CRIMES. SORRY FOR ALWAYS COMING TO S...Thu, 04 Dec 2025 21:21:47 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1999026https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1999026I fall on my knees begging for solution to the problems of my own making, While I am praying on the cold tiles of bathroom, the priest, Who represents nothing more than my father which messed me and then left, Pours pure vodka, bought on sale, into my open mouth. It tastes weird as the river I almost drowned, As the rust-like essence of a gun, And the pills I swallow every morning to make myself g...Sat, 29 Nov 2025 16:35:22 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1996644https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1996644I dream of alcohol, My father's love and how he treated my mother when I was five, I wish for someone who would protect me, From all the things I've seen. I wish to have a childhood once again, To be loved more this time, To be cared for this time, To be taught how to live by someone other than me. I am longing for a gentle friend, In whose hug I could feel save, Who would listen to my talking wit...Thu, 27 Nov 2025 07:45:36 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1992106https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1992106I descent from both Abel and Cain, I am doomed by God and fate to fail, To suffer and be beaten by hand which held me as I was born, And partly it will be my fault as I have rotten character.  My father's side has the mark of sinner written on their face, There is some anger deeply rooted in our hearts, There is such sadness about which no one speaks, And we laugh to the creator's face after sarca...Sun, 23 Nov 2025 11:16:23 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1988088https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1988088A mere number defines my existence, I am nothing outside of my work, But I have never been good enough to win, To make anyone proud of me. I should be always working, To show them reason why I should be fed, To show them reason why I should be seen, they would look away anyway - I am not the number one. Even when I felt like I am trying, They called me lazy good-for-nothing, For always being in ab...Wed, 19 Nov 2025 18:23:07 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1986982https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1986982The autumn smells of failed attempt, As it always does, My body rots on the bare mattress without a bedframe, I was unable to build it - same way as my life. I forgot to count them, As I reached more than my age when I was ten, I am a coward - same as I was back then, And I tend to run away - not solving any problem. The fall is when I lose my mind, The fall tastes of my first cigarette,  Broken p...Tue, 18 Nov 2025 17:03:06 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1973202https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1973202The Love Letter to Ivan Karamzov/The Hate Letter to Myself Your face reminds me so much of my own, Ivan, And your younger brother is like mine, Your last name is my fate, written into yours, "Because I am a Karamazov, because I am my father's son." You hate him too, you wished for his death, And then you acted as if you didn't share same breath, In your worst nightmare you act as him, and when you...Thu, 06 Nov 2025 17:10:20 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1969469https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1969469I've shattered the mirror of my dreams, Only because I was afraid of fear, I've lost the meaning of life before it even started,  I walk the path of loneliness. I choose the road of fearing alone, So no one can say that I am failure, Only my mind, myself - I can know, That I've never tried to be good enough. And the shards of my dreams sound hollow under my fear, Painter, writer, scientist, poet,Mon, 03 Nov 2025 13:33:08 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1963999https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1963999I lost my innocence in the horror of my birth, And I was never enough human to begin with, As I was born with hatred instead of love, I have never been a pure lamb of God. I have killed the child inside of me at the brink of age thirteen, When only one person came to me, I became adWed, 29 Oct 2025 10:59:06 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1959786https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1959786If I'd believe in God, I would pray, To one day wake up without a pain, Look at the blue sky, Look at the beautiful garden of Eden, Feeling free from the dead weight of body. How can I make this dream come true? I don't have a belief in God, Who puts people in such misery, Pain, grieve, rotting guts inside of me.Sat, 25 Oct 2025 20:43:40 +0000https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1958284https://blog.spacehey.com/entry?id=1958284I decided to publish some of my poems on this blog, at least those which are in English. I don't think that they are good, but I wrote a lot of them. Maybe someone will like them. It's mostly modern type of poetry, or that critizited type of 'tiktok poetry' or 'I am 13 and this is deep'. I hear a rhymes where no one does. For me when I put a words and letters in some order I hear music. But for no...Fri, 24 Oct 2025 08:49:35 +0000